How About I Just Go To The Wedding Naked?

Mar 20, 2008

You know that high you feel after a successful day of shopping? I totally had that on Tuesday night! My mom and I were giggling like school girls as we headed home, totally excited about all the clothes I had found.

I had scored big time at Macy’s. I had no idea they had such a large, hip selection of clothes for the generously endowed. And to top it off, I’ve gone down two sizes! I think I might have even done a little techno right there at the three-way mirror, but that’s between me and the security camera.

But the best part? And I can’t believe I’m excited about this. I found a dress! That’s right, a real, 100% genuine dress. Not a faux dress, where the top and skirt are made out of the same material to give the illusion of a dress, which is what I’d been looking for. And not a dress that is more like a sack. I’m almost afraid to post the picture, in case anyone thinks it’s ugly, but here you go:

That model must be super tall, because the dress is much longer on me. But it still looks good. And it’ll look even better after I get some Spanx.

As soon as I got home, I emptied bag after bag to show my loot off to Gilberto, saving the dress for last. And when I said TA DA! Well, his reaction wasn’t exactly enthusiastic. I though it might be because he’s a guy, and I’d just spent a bunch of money, but something about his response nagged at me.

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, I decided to pull the dress out and try it on, thinking he might like it better once it was on me and not the hanger.

Me: You don’t seem very excited! Do you not like it?

Gilberto: No, I like it. But I thought you were going to get a black dress. Like the one you wore for New Year’s Eve that one year.

Me:Um, that was 4 years and 60 pounds ago! I would look horrible in a strappy number like that now. And black? Do women really wear black to weddings in Brazil?

Gilberto: Yes! Why wouldn’t they?

Me: Well, here black is for funerals! I mean, I guess you could wear black to a super fancy formal wedding, but most people don’t. And that dress I wore was really fancy, for a black tie party. Do the women wear such fancy dresses just to regular weddings?

Gilberto:Yeah! They do! I mean, I think they do. Just go ahead and wear the one you bought. You look nice in it.

First, I don’t know what woman has ever settled for nice. That shopping high I had? Totally deflated.

Second, now I’m freaking out that I need to buy a super formal black dress! I wouldn’t have minded being the only woman there in pants, but I don’t want to be the only woman there in color! Gilberto is going to call his mom today, but sometimes a lot of important details get lost in the translation.

I would look better in black, but I don’t want to have to go back out into the shopping world again. I got a ton of great things and thought I was done. I was stress free! Now I’m more stressed than ever.

And what if I get a black dress, and then end up looking out of place because I’m the only one dressed for cocktail hour?

Looking on the bright side, at least my hair and nails will look great.

One thing that’s making me feel a tiny bit better? Check out the purse I bought!

Isn’t it beautiful? It’s really big, and I think I’m going to use it as my carry-all in Brazil. It’ll hold clothes, shoes, a water bottle, sun block, a camera, pretty much EVERYTHING! The picture really doesn’t do it proper justice.

A fabulous purse is almost enough to make me forget about the dress, but not quite. See what happens when you give an inch? I should’ve just demanded some pant respect.

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Two Memes In One

Mar 19, 2008

I just got tagged for my first meme!

This one seems like a great one to start with. Not at all like those awful MySpace forwards where you have to read 100 things about the sender under categories like Sleep Habits and Favorite Fruits.

This meme is also numerically sequential! Or is it numerically exponential? Anyway, math was one of my favorite subjects in school (statistics in college was awesome!), and I love some fun with numbers. You see, the first question asks for one thing, the second for two, and so on. Isn’t that cool? It’s got me all giddy!

Name one thing you do everyday

1) I weigh myself every morning. I have to do it before I drink any water (no extra weight needed, thank you very much) and after Gilberto’s already used the bathroom so he won’t walk in on me and see the number.

Name two things you wish you could learn

1) Portuguese. That is a HARD language to learn. Though it could just be because I’m getting old and my brain doesn’t work like it used to (I used to be fluent in Italian and conversational in Spanish, but Portuguese is kicking my butt).

2) How to knit. I still haven’t gotten myself down to the yarn store. But I’m hoping to get my mother-in-law to teach me when we’re in Brazil. Maybe we’ll bond over our knitting needles.

Name three things that remind you of your childhood

1) The smell of chlorine and fresh cut grass. There’s nothing like an Oregon summer after months of rain. Those smells bring back pure joy.

2) Osh Kosh overalls

3) Tang

Name four things you love to eat but rarely do

1) Pizza square snacks (mmm, delicious)

2) Moussaka

3) Vegetable Tempura

4) Chocolate mousse cheesecake

Name 5 people/things that make you feel good

1) Ellen DeGeneres. I love her sense of humor.

2) 1200 thread count sheets

3) Laughing with my daughter. Her smile rocks my world.

4) Christmas stockings and Easter baskets

5) Going to bed with a clean house

Well, there you go. I went into this thinking my crazy and exciting life would be revealed for the world to see, but I guess I’m not quite as crazy and exciting as I thought I was! When you start mentioning pizza, knitting and sheets in your memes, it’s time to admit defeat.

Now I need to tag a few more people to carry on all the getting to know you goodness. How I Ended Up Here and A Dusty Frame are the two lucky winners.

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On another note, Rachel at Adventures of a Gringa in Rio recently listed me as a “Blogger of the Day!” Thank you, Rachel! It’s not really a meme, but I need to recommend 7 blogs that I read on a daily basis. So let’s get to it.

1) PerezHilton.com He feeds my Hollywood gossip obsession.

2) Dooce One of my most favorite blogs ever.

3) Absolutely Bananas Absolutely hilarious.

4) Boo Mama She dishes out some serious southern charm. And sass. And makes me want to say ya’ll all the time.

5) Confessions of a Pioneer Woman A storytelling, photographing, cooking genius.

6) One Plus One A humorous look at life as an elementary school teacher.

7) Eric and Emily’s Adventures Iowa transplants living in Brazil. I love love love this blog.

I think these people are supposed to carry on the Blogger of the Day award (there’s a graphic over on Rachel’s blog post, but it was messing up my layout so I had to nix it). It looks like it’s a Brazilian thing (what with the graphic being in Portuguese and all), but if anyone I listed who reads my blog wants to pass it on, that’d be cool!

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I Have To Wear A Dress

Mar 18, 2008

My mother-in-law called last week to tell my husband to make sure I bring a dress for the wedding. Ah, she knows me too well. I’m NOT a dress kind of girl.

We had a pretty colorful conversation in which I flat out told him NO, I would NOT be wearing a dress to his brother’s wedding. I look horrible in dresses (I may have lost a bit of weight, but I still have a LONG way to go. Lumpy does not look good in dresses). I wanted to feel good, so I had a pair of slacks and a nice blouse all ready to go. And a pair of pretty kick-ass shoes to go with it, I might add.

And then on a sorrier note, I told him that the humidity in Brazil made my legs chafe when I wore skirts, so pants it was going to be. And there.

Well, my little temper tantrum was to no avail. His mother called again today and laid down the law. She said I HAD to wear a dress, no ifs, ands or buts about it. The invitation said so, everyone else would be in a dress, and besides, that’s just the way it’s DONE there. And to just wear a pair of spandex shorts underneath. Oh, and she wanted him to let me know that she already has my hair and nail appointment set.

Hair and nails? Oh, heavens. She’s trying to pretty me up! She’s never seen me in anything other than khakis and t-shirts with no make-up, since it’s God awful hot down there, so I bet she thinks I’d wear something more appropriate for the beach if left to my own devices.

After Gilberto begged me to go along with the dress thing, I said I MIGHT be willing to wear a skirt and blouse (which are much more forgiving than a one-piece). But compromising on fashion to make your husband happy doesn’t usually produce the most flattering results.

I really do not have the body for a dress. My options are pretty much limited to a mumu, like this:

Or a kimono. This one seems nice!

I love red, and it’s loose and flowy. Perfect for a hot Brazilian day!

In all honesty, I don’t want to be the only person in all of Brazil to ever wear pants at a wedding. And I’m not looking to bring shame on the family. So I called in the reinforcements and my mom will be heading out with me tonight to try on dresses.

I’m really hoping that I find something nice that I look good in, but the chances of that happening are at about 6%. Picking a mumu or kimono ups it to about 30%.

Once my mother-in-law sees me in my new dress, though, she might change her mind and decide pants do suit me better after all. So I’m still bringing my slacks, just in case.

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The Story Of Stuff

Mar 18, 2008

A friend sent me a link to The Story of Stuff. It’s a MUST see.

I thought I knew quite a bit about where stuff comes from and where it goes, but I didn’t. I’m so glad I watched this video.

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Disclaimer

Mar 18, 2008

My last post made me sound like a total douche. Which is bad, considering I’m the one that wrote it. It’s not often I purposefully portray myself in such a bad light.

Just to clarify, I definitely felt bad for Gilberto. It was just so uncharacteristic of him to be afraid. Normally he would say, “Bah, a growling dog is nothing. He should be afraid of ME.” Especially since we were warned that the dogs would bark, but not bite.

We both found the situation amusing. He was even teasing my Aunt about her ferocious dog and making her laugh with his recount of the night’s pee scare.

Once we pulled out of the driveway, we broke down in laughter at his unfortunate luck. And ever since, he’s been teasing ME about not rushing to his aid.

It was in this spirit that I wrote the post. I assure you, I’m not as cold hearted as I made myself appear to be. And I’m very lucky to be married to a guy that believes laughter is the key to happiness, and can find humor even when a dog is sitting at the glass door, growling at his every move.

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