Best Use Of Permanent Mounting Tape EVER

Jun 26, 2011

I get such a kick out of this commercial, because it could totally happen.   
Both of my kids like to run off with my phone and leave it in the wildest places.  Like: 
  • on the floor behind the toilet
  • in my daughter’s underwear drawer
  • inside a Ziploc baggie box
  • tucked among the bags of pasta in the pantry
  • behind the couch cushion
  • in a DVD holder
  • on a ledge UNDER the kitchen table (part of the leaf system)
  • in the linen closet inside a folded towel
  • on the patio in the stroller basket
  • in my daughter’s toy cash register
  • in my laptop
It’s a miracle my phone stayed on every single time and I was able to call and track it down by listening for it’s ring. 
Though I must admit that half the time I call it, it ends up being right in front of me.  Or in my hand.  That’s right, one time I lost my phone and didn’t realize until I’d dialed my number that I was calling myself ON MY PHONE. 
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The Loudmouth Wife’s Take On Soccer

Jun 22, 2011

Gilberto’s soccer team, Santos, just scored a goal.

How do I know?  Well, there was the traditional shouting of GOAL GOAL GOAL, followed by lots of excited swearing in Portuguese.  And a yelp from Gabi as he scooped her up for a huge bear hug.

I only heard all of this, though, because I’ve been banished upstairs for talking too loudly during the game. I swear I was only whispering, but it was still too much for his nerves to handle.  You see, he has to be on top of his game, without distractions from his annoyingly loud wife, or his team might feel it and lose.

Funny how I can talk at almost a yell trying to get his attention on a normal day without even a blink of recognition, but come time for his beloved team’s soccer game and my whispering drives him mad.

If Santos loses tonight, he will hold me entirely responsible.  The next time we’re in Brazil we’ll have to hang a dead chicken from a tree branch and have the Priest sprinkle holy water over me to cleanse me of my sin.  And I won’t even be able to laugh at the absurdity of it all, since Brazilians take their superstitions and cures very seriously.  I mean, VERY seriously.

One time I told Gilberto not to get so hyped up, that it was just a ball getting kicked around, and he made me take it back in both English and Portuguese and kiss the Santos badge on his shirt three times.

Another goal!!  GOAL!  SWEAR WORD!  GOAL!  SWEAR WORD!  GOAL!

He’s already on the phone with his mom.  All of his immediate family members root for different teams, so whenever one of their teams scores, that person immediately gets on the phone to rub it in to everyone else.  We get a lot of calls from Brazil for the sole purpose of gloating.

It’s apparently a HUGE game.  Some sort of final?  And if they win, his team can add a third star to their shirts?  And the last time they got a star it was in the ’50s?  Or ’60s?  And it needs to be a gold star, not a silver star?  Oh, and it’s like a world domination championship, but NOT The World Cup?

I’ve actually never seen Gilberto this excited about a game before.  He’s dressed from head to toe in Santos gear, even thought it’s 80 degrees in the house and the only Santos socks he has are made of wool.  WHY a country that’s as hot and humid as Brazil even knows what wool is is beyond me.

And… Santos wins!  Gilberto is dancing around the living room with Gabi, singing the Santos song.

Me: Gilberto!  Are you going to have to replace all of your two star shirts with three star ones?  How much money are we talkin’?

Gilberto: Laurinha!  Come down and join us!  You don’t have to worry about your loud mouth anymore!

Me: I was asking about the SHIRTS and not my loud mouth, thank you very much!

Gilberto: Don’t be mad, sweetheart!  And don’t worry, I’ll only get one shirt.  Or two.  Well, maybe three.  Three’s not bad!

Not bad at $100 a shirt?  I’m glad I’m not going to have to do some weird Catholic voodoo forgiveness ritual now, but I’m not looking forward to adding more expensive soccer getup to the closet.

Oh, and I’ve just been informed that there is more excitement ahead!  Santos will now be playing Japan, or in Japan, for World Domination bragging rights and a GOLD STAR.  So I guess the whole chicken thing might still happen.

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How To Eat Organically For Less

May 30, 2011

When my neighbor brought me a basket of tomatoes from her garden last year, I had no idea it was going to change my life.

The basket was full of dark purple tomatoes with yellow streaks. Gorgeous. And, as I was to find out, delicious. So delicious, in fact, that I went right back over to my neighbor’s house and asked her what the heck kind of tomatoes she’d given me, because I’d never tasted anything so good in my life.

Her response, that they were heirloom tomatoes, sent me on a quest to rediscover food the way it was meant to be; free from pesticides and the act of modifying a crop for perfect size, shape, color and durability (which often sacrifices taste and nutrition).

Making the commitment to feed my family as organically as possible was a costly one in the beginning. I quickly learned how to cut costs, though, so that I wasn’t paying an arm and a leg to feed my family healthy, nutritious and flavorful food. And you can, too!

Here are some tips that can help bring down the cost of eating organically.

Eat With the Seasons

Ever notice how grapes are three times the cost during the winter than they are in the summer? Foods that are in season are cheaper! They are more abundant, and often don’t have to be shipped as far, cutting down on fuel costs.

Something to note is that the organic season can be slightly different from the non-organic season, so even though an item may be in abundant supply on the shelf, you may need to wait a bit longer for the organic version to appear.

Join A CSA

A CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) program offers organic produce from a local source on a regular basis. You are basically cutting out the middle man, so overall costs are quite a bit lower than buying the same produce at the store. The variety is often large, and can sometimes even include meat, eggs and dairy.

When we belonged to a CSA, we got a large box every other week, and for $80/month it was more than enough to feed our family of three adults and one child. We also got things in our box that we’d never eaten before, and it was fun to learn to cook new things.

Buy Food at Farmer’s Markets

Farmer’s Markets also cut out the middle man and offer organic produce at huge savings! If you wait until the end of the market, many vendors are willing to sell their items at an even lower cost, and the more you buy of something, the more likely you are to get a better deal. Don’t be afraid to negotiate!

If you need to go during regular hours, you can also seek out vendors that are organic in practice, but just can’t afford the very expensive process of becoming organic certified. I was amazed at how many vendors practiced organic farming but couldn’t display the logo. Prices here tend to be a bit lower as the farmer doesn’t have to pass down certification costs to the buyer.

Buy Unprepared Food

You pay quite a bit more to have someone else cut your onions, carrots and celery into tiny pieces and call it Mirpoix. Buy your produce whole and dirty, and wash and cut it yourself to save some money.

Purchase at Food Warehouses

Buying certain items in bulk can save a bundle! While the Costcos in my area don’t sell fresh organic produce, they do sell large bags of organic fruits and vegetables in the frozen section. One large bag of organic green beans will last my family through three meals, coming out to a per meal cost of about $2.

Use Coupons

Coupons for organic items are few and far between, but they ARE out there. A Google search will bring up several sites that deal exclusively with organic, green and healthy living couponing and sales. When these sites don’t give you exactly what you need, writing to a company and telling them how much you like their product and would appreciate some coupons often gets great results.

Grow a Garden

Growing your own garden is the cheapest way to eat organically! Not only are seeds inexpensive, you have no doubt about how your food has been grown. Many nurseries are now carrying organic plants as well, if you prefer to start a bit ahead of the game.

Eat Less

While it may sound crazy, the more nutritious the food you put into your body, the less your body needs! Your body will naturally adjust its hunger signals based on the nutrients it’s receiving. Even if you spend more on organic food, you will spend less in the long term.

I do spend more on produce than I used to, but my monthly food budget hasn’t changed. By buying less processed food, and using the tips above, I’ve been able to break even. You don’t have to spend a fortune in order to eat healthy and support local and organically sourced food.

Resources

How To Plant an Organic Garden
Simply Organic In-Store Coupons
How Is Organic Farming Different?
Top 12 Fruits and Vegetables You Should Buy Organic

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Happy To Be Duck Free

May 27, 2011

I was working at my desk while Mason napped on the bed near me when Gabi slammed open the bedroom door and ran to my side.  I was about to lay into her when she said the most horrifying words.

Gabi: MOM!! Dad’s on the computer and we’re looking at baby ducks! We’re going to get a duck!

Oh HELL no!

You may be thinking, Oh Laural, chill!  They’re probably just pulling your leg!

But I know something about my husband that you do not. And that thing is that he once owned his very own pet duck. And he is constantly hinting that he would like to get another pet duck. For the children.

So far I’ve been able to brush the comments off and hope that he gets over it. Or buys us a farm. But there was something about Gabi’s excitement that immediately put me on high alert.

And then I heard Gilberto trying to get Gabi’s attention by whisper yelling from the living room.

Gilberto: Gabeeeeee, come back! Don’t tell mom, Gabi! Shhhhh. Come BACK! You’re going to ruin everything!

I was down those stairs faster than I’ve ever been before.

Me: What on earth are you DOING? You KNOW we’re not getting a pet duck!

Gilberto: Come on, honey! It would be awesome!

Me: Have you lost your mind?! We can’t get a dog because our house is so small, but you want a duck that will quack and shed feathers and crap everywhere?

Gilberto: But you can train a duck! My duck was trained! It only pooped in it’s box! Well, in the room where the box was. But not anywhere else! And it followed me around and…

Gabi: There are mini-pigs, too, mom! Dad said maybe we could get a pig!

Gilberto: The pigs cost $350, but the baby ducks are only $5!

Two sets of hopeful eyes were trained up at me. Pleading with me to say yes.

I quickly made it clear that pets, especially ducks and pigs, are NOT an option for us. Gabi ran to her room to cry, and Gilberto dejectedly turned back to his computer. No doubt promising to himself to never let the pet duck dream die.

This must be my punishment for trying to figure out how to hide a chicken coop on my patio from the HOA.

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Expanding The List Of Kitchen Items That Cannot Be Mothered

May 18, 2011

Gabi has a habit of trying to mother inanimate objects, like pieces of fruit, with disastrous results.

A few months ago she dressed a butternut squash up in doll clothes, tied her jump rope around it and pretended it was a pet alligator.  I’m still not sure how it happened, but the squash alligator met its end after coming into contact with a kitchen table leg and splitting in three.

Today I found Gabi in the living room cradling a bag of flour tightly wrapped in a baby blanket.  I let her lug the thing around until I noticed a thin layer of white dust coating her skin. Sure enough, the bag was leaking.

Me: Gabi, we need to put the bag of flour away now. It’s leaking.

Gabi: No, mom! It’s my sister!

Me: It’s only your sister until it explodes all over the floor and creates a huge mess! We are going to avoid that situation, so bring it to me now, please.

Gabi: If that happens I’ll clean it up!  You’ll ruin everything if you take her away from me now!

Me: Honey, it’s not up for discussion.

Gabi did NOT want to turn over that bag of flour.  We argued a bit more before she shoved it into my arms, sending up a cloud of flour, and started running up the stairs.

Gabi: FINE, MOTHER!  I hope you’re happy that you killed my sister and now I don’t have anyone to play with because Mason’s SLEEPING!

First, Mason was no longer asleep after that oh so dramatic tantrum on the stairs.

Second, her teenage years ARE NOT GOING TO BE FUN.

The bag of flour is now safely inside a Ziploc bag and back on the cupboard shelf.  Before I put it away, though, I noticed that she’d given the poor bag a face.

No wonder she was so attached!  It’s like naming a stray puppy- it just makes it all the harder to say goodbye.
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