How Eggnog Plus Rum Equals Bangs
One of the things I love the most about the Holidays is eggnog!
When I saw it on the shelf at Trader Joe’s a few days ago I did a little shuffle right there in the dairy aisle. I turned to one of my oldest friends, Beth, who visits every year for Thanksgiving (and doesn’t mind getting dragged along on shopping trips), and practically squealed.
Me: Look, Beth! Eggnog!
Beth: Oh, cool! And you know what goes really good with Eggnog, right?
Me: OH YOU KNOW IT!
We spiked that eggnog before all of the groceries were even out of the car.
But you know what happens when you drink spiked eggnog?
Bangs. Bangs happen.
Beth, taking a big draw of eggnog: Hey, what happened to your bangs?
Me: Oh, I grew them out!
Beth: You should totally bring the bangs back.
Me: You are SO right!
And so the next day I made a same-day appointment, and this is how it pretty much went down.
Me at salon: Oh I LOVE them!
Me at home: Aren’t these great? They were flat ironed, though, so these hot bangs you see on my forehead right now might be a bit hard to recreate.
Me the next day: Well, bang shrinkage is normal, so I just need to wash my hair and all will be fine.
Me after shower: Crap.
Me the day after that: Crap crap CRAP.
Me that night, after wallowing in some more spiked eggnog: I just need MORE bangs. Like Zoe Deschanel! Yeah, that’ll do the trick!
The appointment has been made. And the alcohol has been put away until after my trim, in case I make any more stupid hair decisions.
My husband has assured me that even if I end up with a giant triangle of bangs that start at the top of my head and angle down to where my ears attach to my head, he will still love me. So there’s that.
Oh, and Beth? Thanks a lot, you turd. This whole More Bangs thing better turn out well or revenge will be sweet!